Mismatched Sex Drive

How much sex in a relationship is considered “normal?” There are many couples that have sex one or two times a month, and are completely satisfied. The only time there could be cause for concern, is when a couples sex drive is unparallel.

There are several reasons why a couple may not be in the mood at the same time. It could be physical: too tired, a medical condition, or certain medications certainly affect arousal. It could be emotional: too stressed, feeling emotionally deprived by a partner, unresolved issues. It could also be just plain boredom. Look, its no secret that a relationship can get stale after a while. Just like anything else, if we don’t put effort into creating a great sex life, it could all be over once the “honeymoon phase” ends. You know, the first 2-3 months (if you’re lucky) in the beginning when attraction seems effortless.

According to a 2002 study by the highly respected National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago, married couples say they have sex 68.5 times a year, or slightly more than once a week. That may not sound like a lot, but contrary to popular belief, married people have 6.9 more sexual encounters a year than people who have never been married. After all, you can’t underestimate the value of having an (occasionally) willing partner conveniently located in bed next to you. If one member of the couple is attempting initiation, and the other constantly refuses, the person with the lower sex drive can tend to feel barraged and possibly even harassed. The one who is feeling the desire more often can feel neglected, unattractive, and unloved. Arguments occur, and the sex slowly slips away. When the sex slips away, so does the casual affection like kissing, caressing, hand holding, laughing at each others jokes, and the playfulness that comes with intimacy.

It all comes down to negotiation, communication, and making the decision to be receptive to your partner’s advances. Easier said than done, but there is hope!

Step 1 … Read the rest of this article here: Mismatched Sex Drive

~ by Dr. Ava on March 19, 2010.

5 Responses to “Mismatched Sex Drive”

  1. I know you didn’t ask, but I wanted to share with you that the mismatch in my marriage couldn’t be bigger… I love sex and my wife has no use for it at all… she has kept me in a forced celibacy for five and three quarter years… it is hell’

  2. I think you can kindle the sex drive by first kindling what you call casual affections. I developed my recording The Pleasure Principle to increase a woman’s sexual desires by first engaging her in the fun of flirting, then kissing and touching, then other sexual desires.

  3. I am starving for a sexual relationship with my husband who has lost his to porstate cancer radiation treatment. He wants to get it up and I want it to get in. Neither are our reality. I may have to get that chasity belt before I explode. I am finding my day dreaming getting hotter and hotter, and I’m wanting that vibrator. I condemn myself afterwards.

  4. Molly why condemn yourself before during or after? Use that vibrator and give yourself an orgasm or two or how many ever you want… He has fingers still and a mouth and tongue… he can use these to give you pleasure can he not? I feel bad for him and you, I do, I really do. I think you two can still give each other physical affection… you two can still kiss each other with deep passionate want… (my wife never has done this for me, and she could have if it was in her to do so, but it never was).

  5. I totally agree with you James – there are so many other ways to have intimacy in your relationship than just intercourse. Molly, you and your husband sound like you both want intimacy and sensual times together, so a toy or two could be therapeutic for both of you. Many couples enjoy playing with sex toys together. You can easily shop for one online – in the privacy of your home – and possibly talk about some things you would each be comfortable with, there are many options. I also agree with James about using hands, mouth, tongue and much more to stimulate each other. If you would like some information about some resources that could help you and your husband find some alternatives during this time – feel free to drop me a note – nikki @ nikkileigh.com

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