Confronting Sexual Inhibitions: “My Husband Grunts and Growls Like a Wild Animal in Bed”

I have traveled all over the world to lecture on love, relationships, romance and sexuality and one of the universal similarities we all have in common are inhibitions. They are self-imposed restrictions on one’s behavior and they come from our subconscious mind. Our mind is predisposed to the way we were raised so it’s not surprising that many people have inhibitions based upon negative influences, repression and societal restraints on sexual behavior. For example, many women suffer from the “good girl syndrome” because they were taught that only “bad girls” will do a striptease for their lover, masturbate, give oral, have anal or even initiate sex when they want it. Women are often raised with shame and guilt about their body so they are inhibited about the size or shape of their breasts, the look and smell of their vagina, losing control during orgasm and of course asking for what they want in bed.

Male inhibitions are different but can be just as unhealthy. For example, many men were taught not to show their feelings because it’s a sign of weakness. Men are inhibited about the size of their penis because they’ve been taught that size does matter, some men think that a woman’s vagina should smell like spring flowers or autumn rain, men hate asking for directions so why would they ever ask their lover what pleases them? Apparently a man should know what a woman wants and so the list of inhibitions goes on.

It’s no wonder so many couples are sexually frustrated. If you can’t talk about what turns you on, then you can’t expect your lover to read your mind. After all, you wouldn’t dream of not telling a waiter how you like your steak cooked because you don’t want to ruin a good piece of meat, then why would you risk the demise of a good relationship by not talking about what you want in bed?
The best solution that I’ve found for overcoming any inhibition is to simply face it. It is my belief that you will always have regrets if you don’t overcome obstacles. A life with regrets is a life that has not fully been realized, experienced and enjoyed.

Sunny: “I am distracted by my husband’s animal like behavior in bed. I cannot concentrate on my own orgasm!”
One would never know by looking at Sunny’s husband, Edward, what a wild beast lurked underneath his conservative and polite veneer. It wasn’t that he suffered from a Jekyl and Hyde personality, and surely no one else but Sunny ever saw the other side of him. The problem, from Sunny’s perspective, was that even her gallant, noble, sweet and even somewhat stuffy Edward reached a climax while they made love she thought she
was in a zoo. He sweated and grunted, panted and moaned, making hideously loud and vulgar noises. The churlish wild animal sounds emanating from her otherwise genteel spouse as he exploded in ecstasy were so distracting, so unnerving that Sunny lost her ability to concentrate on her own orgasm.
Sunny’s inhibited orgasm cannot be beneficial to either party. It could eventually disrupt their marriage.
Since Edward was, by all other standards, a conservative man and satisfying lover, all that needed to be addressed was his grunting and sweating. I surmised that there may be some deeper reason for Sunny’s repulsion, (after all, his behavior was not new, and they had courted and married for five years) but stayed on the superficial level in addressing the problem.
I suggested to Sunny that she make sure her husband bathed and toweled off before having sex (so as to lessen the sweating). Perhaps she might powder him as a way of spoiling him after his shower.
As for the noise, I suggested three alternative solutions, each with its own implication. She could gag Edward if he was amicable to that, an efficient and controlling means to an end. Secondly, she could put the side of her hand into Edward’s mouth so as to stop the noise. He would most likely bite her when she did this, and this might prove stimulating to her. Or finally, she could pull his head next to her, so that the facial
expressions and grunting she found so distracting could be directed into the pillow she rested on. This failing, I offered her a book on sexual positions that could minimize the facial contact, yet remain sexually fulfilling.
The benefit to this approach was that it would eliminate the direct barrier to Sunny’s sexual fulfillme

Excerpts from The Loveologist Guide to Inhibitions by Dr. Ava Cadell comprise this article. Visit The Loveology University Bookstore to find a wealth of resources, including e-books and audiobooks, to help you have a richer and more fulfilling sex life.

~ by Dr. Ava on April 16, 2010.

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