Ebook – Confessions of a Sexologist by Dr Ava Cadell

Confessions To A Sexologist

Peeking into the sexual secrets of America

In compiling the confessions in this book, I became aware of its unique place in the field of sexual therapy and philosophy.  Confessions to a Sexologist, offers a telling glimpse of sexual life in America, through actual case histories, unprejudiced by religious, political or feminist presuppositions.  These case histories were accumulated gathered from my private practice, from the seminars and college classes I teach, and from my consultations with therapists in related fields.  They are consequently multicultural with no secret left unexamined.

Topics include:


In every case, the names and peripheral details contained within these confessions were changed to protect the privacy of my clients and to ensure their anonymity.  The confessions I’ve selected are representative of the fantasies, fears and desires of people in search of sexual fulfillment and, as such, everybody will be able to relate to them.

This book is compassionate, accepting and non-judgmental and will help people understand themselves and others through its unprecedented and often shocking revelations.  It is not intended to be a substitute for formal therapeutic counseling.  All individuals have problems and concerns unique to themselves and many sexual difficulties are dealt with in this book.  The attendant solutions to these problems may easily be utilized at home.  However, only direct counseling can properly address a person’s specific needs.

I hope you find these case histories interesting and can relate to some of the confessions in a way that will help you have a great sex life!



A Note From Dr Ava –

In compiling the confessions in this book, I became aware of its unique place in the field of sexual academic literature.  This book offers a true picture of sexual life in America through actual case histories, unprejudiced by religious, political or feminist presuppositions.  These case histories were derived from my private practice, from the seminars and college classes that I teach, and from my consultations with therapists in related fields.

Take a peek into the sexual secrets of America –

CONFESSION-INHIBITIONS – Woman’s Desire for Oral Sex and Her Husband’s Need for More Details

Marty’s wife Jeanette longed for her husband to perform some good, old fashioned oral sex on her to bring her to the same state of arousal and orgasm that he seemed to enjoy through plain old intercourse.  She nagged, she begged, she cajoled, she even tried to bribe him into “going down” on her, but all he could think about whenever she brought the subject up, was how unpleasant the smell would be.  He loved his wife dearly, but not enough to endure that!


A woman may need or at least appreciate  masturbation and/or oral stimulation prior to intercourse, and often, in order to achieve orgasm.  The lack of oral sex condemned Marty’s wife, in all likelihood, to a life of sexual frustration that would ultimately either cause a loss of self-esteem and/or sexual disruption within the marriage.


My strategy was first to educate Marty on what the natural odor and flavor of a woman should be.  He admitted that he thought women’s vagina’s should smell like perfumed flowers and was turned off by the slightly musky flavor of his wife.  We discussed elements of good hygiene and finally I introduced some products to camouflage or minimize the offending odors.  To this end, I provided both Marty and his wife a strawberry flavored lotion and minty gels designed specifically for enhancing oral sex.


I advised Marty and his wife to have their first oral sex experience in the shower, and to put flavored shaving cream on her pubic hair.  Then I had Marty shave the pubic hair off his wife, as hair can retain odor (so can medication, hormonal fluctuations and diet).  Then I had him lick the cream remnants off her pubis, as a beginning to the oral sex.  Once they had finished in the shower, Marty applied the gels and flavoring that I had previously given them, and  used them outside of the shower area, so as to remove the restrictions on when, where or how oral sex should be performed. Once Marty realized that his wife smelled and tasted ‘normal’ he allowed himself to enjoy oral sex and performed it with zealous abandon on a regular basis.


The obvious benefit was that Marty’s wife received the type of oral attention that she required to orgasm.  The increased satisfaction on her part improved Marty’s perception of himself as a lover, and encouraged him to ask things for his excitement from her, as the communicative avenue was improved.

Would you like to hear more — click here….

CONFESSION-SELF IMAGE – Domination Fantasies

Rough, tough and domineering was the man Zain became in his wildest sexual fantasies.  Master of the universe, bold and daring, his bed partners trembled at the sound of his voice and obeyed his every demand.  Nothing was withheld from him as long as he commanded it.

But the domineering Zain in his passionate dreams was nothing like the real Zain, he was certain.  It deeply disturbed him to think he could possess such a dark side, so unlike his self image which was that of a gentle, warm, thoughtful and caring man.  He knew that he could never order his sex partners around like that, so how was it possible for two such opposite personalities to reside within him?


Stress and anxiety are the most common causes of impotence and in this case was the product of a Jeckyl/Hyde complex.  Some people enjoyed the duality, but Zain clearly did not.  He needed to accept himself and realize that his self image was not really at odds with the other.


Zain needed to be educated about the yin and yang of human behavior. I told him that some of the most gentle people could also have a dominant side to them.  Whether it was sadomasochism and subservience, or any other behavior, everyone had opposite elements within them, and should not be surprised or bothered by the interchangibility. Zain needed help in incorporating both sides of himself into a total relationship.


First, I pointed out to Zain that there was nothing “wrong” with his dominant disposition and that many people who are warm and gentle could also be rough at the appropriate time.  Warm and gentle was socially correct behavior.  Rough and dominant could be romantically correct behavior with the right person.  What Zain needed was a total relationship so that he could give total expression to his personality.

I referred him to an organization called “Threshold” for those interested in a dominant/submissive lifestyle.  There he could intermingle socially with successful people of his own signature and see, by their experiences, how his dual nature could be harmonized into one functional expression.


By relieving some of the stress and guilt feelings present in Zain, he could be more at ease with himself.


Would you like to hear more — click here….

CONFESSION – Fantasies and fear of Eternal Damnation

Visions of hell fire and eternal damnation were ruining any enjoyment and pleasure that Greta might have derived from the wild fantasies she and her husband shared in their bedroom.  Her husband repeatedly reassured her that their nighttime sexual escapades were harmless and even good for their marriage.

Nevertheless, just as Greta was about to give into the desires of the flesh and explore with her husband the exotic, tantalizing world beyond the missionary position, the words of the church tenets lit up like neon signs inside her mind.  According to the church, exploring fantasies like these was taboo, it was sinful and unnatural even for a husband and wife.  If she was to participate, she reasoned, wasn’t she damning herself and her husband?


If Greta persisted to torture herself with guilt, then ultimately she could block the interchange of fantasies between them, not only on a sexual plateau, but also hasten the demise of their marriage.


Sometimes sexual fantasies have not been compatible with religious beliefs, particularly if the people involved were active churchgoers.  But I noted that this had not prohibited Greta and her husband from exchanging fantasies in the past, I decided not to contest her religious upbringing, but instead play off of it and incorporate it into my advice.


I asked Greta if she was ever caught with her hand in the cookie jar when she was younger.  She said she was.  She didn’t like getting caught, but she did like the cookies.  Then she realized it was the same thing with the fantasies and hinted at possibly not revealing all their fantasies to the priest.  This was one  confession that the priests did not have to hear.  The thrill of doing something secret, forbidden, seemed to actually excite her and she was no longer afraid of going to hell just for fantasizing.


The benefit here was that if I tried to recondition Greta about her religious background, I would only increase other conflicts.  By being practical, I addressed the direct problem.

Would you like to hear more — click here….

~ by litekepr on June 7, 2010.

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